he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
