How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
