It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
