i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
