Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I deserve this hangover.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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