Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
