nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm always down for nudity.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
