Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Alive.
So much puke
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
