The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
