I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
