What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
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