her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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