somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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