is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
