So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
