i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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