i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
