Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
