So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
