he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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