I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize