If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
