Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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