He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
