i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
