i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
