Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
