I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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