If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
