I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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