I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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