I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
