If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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