you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it glows. i had to have it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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