I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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