sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
