I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
