I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
