The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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