at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
