I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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