When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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