Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
