please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize