Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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