its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
