If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
