So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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