She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
