shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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