yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
