omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
