Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
