This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
