Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
