It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
