We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
