YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
