...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
