I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
