Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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