He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
