we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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