How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
