i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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