New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Houston, we have a squirter
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
