I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize