Are we in a gay sports bar?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
