I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
