Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.