Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex