you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.