I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in