So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.