I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.